I spend a lot of time on the road and I've picked up on some of the more subtle aspects of driving over the years. And through this experience, I feel like I have license to give advice on the subject. So here are five things that may help you.
1. You may find the lack of good music on the radio to be somewhat troubling; turn the radio off and just ponderously focus on your own deep thoughts. The latter is much more troubling.
2. Only buckle your seat belt on the days you want to live through. It's good for the mind to realize the looming nature of death.
3. If you enjoy sending text messages as you drive, then do so wholeheartedly. Don't be lazy and shorten them by using things like 'u' instead of 'you' or '2' instead of 'to/too/two;' that's right, even spell out numbers. It is better to die in a fiery car crash than to live with the consequences of poor diction.
4. If you like for people to be confounded by you, but you prefer for this to happen passively, litter the back of your car with bumper stickers of opposing political ideas.
5. While driving, always operate in fives. Round up and down to whatever suits you. E.g. I didn't just travel twenty-three miles, I traveled twenty-five. I didn't arrive two hours late for work, I arrived zero hours late for work. I didn't drunkenly kill four pedestrians last Friday on W. Adams ave. and you can't prove that I did, punk! So why don't we both just relax?
